I want you to know how blessed I am to be your dad! The Bible tells us children are a blessing from the Lord, and you have validated that scripture in mine and your mom's life. We are very proud of you and proud to be your parents!
I know your mom took you away for a "Purity Weekend" and you two shared an experience that you will remember for a lifetime. As awkward as it was, it helped set the standard for what we believe will guide you to a marriage relationship that will honor the One who created marriage.
As your dad, I have been planning this date for a while. Not that I think your mom forgot to tell you some things, but to offer my input on the topic of purity, especially from a male's perspective. As you may have figured out, we have a totally different outlook on the matter of sex.
Let me ask you a question first. What's your understanding of purity?
A long time ago, I landed on this concept. A young lady's purity is like a pearl. Did you know that an oyster out in the ocean will typically produce only one pearl its entire life? That's why some pearls are more valuable than others. They aren't cultured pearls, where the oysters are manipulated into creating multiple pearls. The real valuable pearls are rare, hard to find and protected by the depths of the ocean.
That's a picture of purity. Once you give away your "pearl" it's gone. That's why your purity is so valuable. One day you're going to meet the man of your dreams and will want to give him this most precious gift that only one man in the entire world can have...you; All of you: your heart, your mind and your body.
That sounds very honorable and noble, but I'm here to tell you as a male, it's a lot easier said than done. God made us a lot different in this area.
Males are visual creatures with an attraction to sex like a bug is to a light bulb. We can't ignore the fact that we are attracted to girls and being so visually driven doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it compels us to do things that aren't very noble. (Not everyone has a daughter who will cover his eyes when a racy commercial comes on TV...) We're not bad people, God just made us different than females.
Because we're visually driven we must keep our guard up less we fall into the devastating trap of pornography. Because we've convinced ourselves that we NEED sex we try to justify engaging in sexual activity with women other than our spouse (whether we're married or not because if a guy plans to be married someday, his future spouse is out there somewhere and she's counting on him to be true to her...even now).
It is this internal drive that begins when boys are teenagers that compels them to take whatever means necessary to feed that craving. Part of this is telling girls what they like to hear and doing the things they think will connect to the heart of a young lady. Let me put it this way: boys will use love to get sex and girls will use sex to get love.
All girls crave affection and love. One can see it in how girls naturally act around others, especially boys. I decided a long time ago, if I didn't actively show you the love and affection you longed for, someone else would. God created you to long for a "knight in shining armor to ride in and carry off into the sunset." This longing is what makes you vulnerable in the area of sexual purity.
Purity is more than a good idea, philosophy or signing a card. It takes work. You have to create guardrails in your life to protect you from veering off the pathway to purity and damaging your life. For example:
- Daniel 1:8 tells us that Daniel resolved not to defile his body. You must do the same. You must settle this for you, not for your mom and me. As much as we might want to convince you or talk you into this commitment to purity, someone else can talk you out of it. This has to be YOUR decision.
- Standards - What limitations will you set in your dating relationships? Will you hold hands, hug or kiss? Part of your resolution are the specific commitments in the standards of how far you will go in your personal contact with a boy. In some regard, this determines the level of your purity. How would your soon-to-be-husband feel if he knew when he kissed you on your wedding day that it would be your first kiss ever?
- Appearance - This is a challenge due to the impact of culture. Current trends in fashion make it very challenging for a young lady to present herself as a prize to be adored without revealing the real prize she is holding for her future husband. And when trying to associate with visually driven boys, a commitment to purity is especially hard. This goes back to the standards you set for how you will present yourself to others. What message do you want to send?
- Dating - This is where it gets hard. Your mom and I want you to enjoy the dating experience. Some of our best memories took place as we just spent time together. And yet, as you seek to honor the Lord with your dating life, you need to decide ahead of time what that is going to look like. Where will you be alone with a young man? Will you only go out on group dates?
- Reminders - What tokens will you create in your life to help you remember your commitment to your future husband? Your mom and I want to be first in this area by giving you this ring. We want you to wear this as a reminder of this day and of your commitment to your future husband. Our desire is that you wear this until your wedding night and present it to your husband as a token of your purity.
- Pledge - I know that a pledge is only as good as the person making it, but I wanted to mark this day as a day when you and I made a promise to each other. You see, I'm not just a bystander in this process. I have to be the man that God created me to be. I have to lead our family in my own purity in guarding what I watch and where I spend my time. I have a simple pledge that I want us to read to each other and and sign as a promise that we will agree together to guard our purity. (I had one for me and one for her.)
Before we wrap this up, I must make add an additional perspective and this is where it might get a little awkward. However, I owe it to my future son-in-law to share this point. God created sex. He did so as the means for increasing the human population, but more importantly, as the means for two people to share the greatest expression of love. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that he "gave." Giving is an expression of love. When two people give themselves in the experience of sex, they are sharing something that forms a bond like no other. Our culture will tell you that it's just physical, but that's a lie. It's personal to the core. You can't create a greater bond between two people.
That's why your purity is so important. You want your husband to know that no other man has shared this experience with you and that you have protected it just for him. And when two people commit to each other in the bond of marriage, they say to each other my body is your body and no one else's. Listen to 1 Corinthians 7:3-5...
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body buy yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so the Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (NIV)
This is why I have planned this entire day. I want you to know how much I love you and how special God made you. You are an amazing young lady and will make an incredible wife to some very fortunate young man. I just want you to experience that relationship the way God designed it. That means understanding the awesome experience that awaits you and protecting your part of it before you get there.
Click HERE to request a copy of the pledge card we both signed...
Click HERE to request a copy of the pledge card we both signed...
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