Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Marriage Annual Review: 10 Questions

Does your marriage need a check-up? The next 60 seconds can change your marriage, but you have to keep reading. 

I have had the opportunity to meet with many couples for pre-marital counseling. As we began our journey to their wedding day, I approach each one with this mindset: I'm not a travel agent - telling all the places you can go and what to do; I'm more like a tour guide - we're on the journey together.  One offer I have made to every couple is the opportunity to meet together once a year for a time of reflection and celebration.  It's always fun as we catch up and reminisce about the wedding or some other experience we all shared along the way. It's also a joy to see that they aren't too busy IN their marriage that they can stop to work ON their marriage.

"Some people are so busy IN marriage that they forget to stop and work ON their marriage." - Click to Tweet 

In my few years of making this offer, only one couple has taken me at my word. I'm preparing to meet with them within the next week and I thought I would share the ten questions I ask them every year.  Maybe you can use these in your own marriage as a simple check-up.  However, I must caution you. These questions are only as good as the honesty with which you reply AND as open as you are to hearing those replies.

The questions come for Tom and Jeannie Elliff who shared these on the Family Life Today radio broadcast/podcast. 

1. What could I do to make you feel more loved?
2. What could I do to make you feel more respected?
3. What could I do to make you feel more understood?
4. What could I do to make you more secure?
5. What can I do to make you feel more confident in our future direction?
6. What attribute would you like me to develop?
7. What attribute would you like me to help you develop?
8. What achievement in my life would bring you the greatest joy?
9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christ like?
10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish?
Optional — Have I overlooked any question you would like me to ask?
In response to the questions Tom asked, and so he could really get to know her heart, Jeannie came up with her own set of questions to ask Tom. Jeannie encourages wives to ask their husbands these questions every year in order to keep their marriage sharp.
1. Do you feel I properly understand the goals that God has placed in your heart? How can I help you achieve them?
2. What are some things I can do to regularly show you just how satisfied I am with you as my husband and the leader of our home?
3. Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to send a signal that I do not honor you or your leadership in our home?
4. Is there anything I can change to make our home a place where you feel more satisfied and comfortable?
5. Are there any big dreams in your heart that you have been hesitant to share with me? How can I help you fulfill them?
6. How do you feel we can begin communicating better than we already are?
7. Do you feel that there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God’s best in our lives? What should be my part in freeing us from those restraints?
8. Are we where you wanted us to be at this stage in life? How can I help you make that possible within God’s guidelines?
9. How do you envision our future together? What can we do together to achieve that goal?
10. What can I do to show you how much I need and trust you?


Do you know your spouse's Love Language? If you don't then you may think you are doing a lot of loving, but it's not getting you anywhere.  Check out this post on how to discover how they like to be loved:

[Link] Love Language Test

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