Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Are You Speaking Your Sweetheart's Love Language? [online tool]

As Valentine's Day is approaching a lot of effort is given to picking out the right card or the perfect gift. We want to find a way to express our love to the object of our affection. But have you ever stopped to consider that you may be giving a lot of time and energy to say "I Love You" and the person to whom you're saying it never hears it? The reason for this is simple. They have a unique way they perceive love.

Dr. Gary Chapman is credited with the notion of every person having their own Love Language. The concept is that we give and receive love in one of five primary ways. The following is a list taken from Dr. Chapman's website, http://www.5lovelanguages.com:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Once we know our sweetheart's Love Language, we can begin to say "I Love You" loud and clear.

If you would like to discover your Love Language, here is an on-line tool that will reveal it and give you a few tips. I suggest you and your "sweety" take this test and sit down and talk about the ways each of you like to receive love from each other, based on the results.

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